@ieatanddrink: This is your pilot speaking. We'll be taking off shortly once our flight crew confirms that this is, in fact, an airplane
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@SummerCandyEyes: I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [taking pregnant wife to hospital ER] Me: Help! My wife's having contradictions! Dr: Don't you mean contractions? Wife: Never say never
@daemonic3: Darth Vader: Luke Luke: ya Darth Vader: [heavy breathing] I am your father Luke: um ok Darth Vader: Also I'm vegan Luke: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO