@Apexg4ming: This killed me
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@Sarcasticsapien: Coworker: Are you seeing anyone? Me: Unfortunately. CW: Then why are you dating her? Me: No, I meant you're standing in front of me.
@jonnysun: ur honor, i call GOD as my witness *jury gasps* *nothimg happens* *slowley, a man w/ beard rises from the stands* damit no Gary sit down
@Lisabug74: Don't you love it when you're doing a nude selfie in a leather harness and you accidentally press answer on your mom's face time?
@SortaBad: Princess: U alone? Luigi: Ya. Mario lookin 4 u underwater. P: lol. wut? L: ya idk. meet up? P: sure. go-karts L: k i'll bring bananas