Can we please have a serious conversation about why, as a human race, we always run out of shampoo before conditioner?
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I’ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I’m still fat.
You Might Also Like
While a gun does make for a cool weapon on The Walking Dead, the most effective defense against the zombies is probably lightly jogging?
Wife: I’m leaving you.
Me: is it because I quote Harry Potter too much?
Wife: no, it’s because you get way too excited when I do the laundry.
Me: master has presented Dobby with clothes!
Me: You gotta get dressed, kiddo, we’re leaving soon.
Me: Get dressed, please.
Me: Please get dressed.
Me: Hurry up and get dressed.
Me: Put your clothes on.
Me: We have to leave in 3 minutes!
Me: GET DRESSED RIGHT NOW!!!!!
7yo: Ok! Don’t yell at me!
Bummed about the early Scotland vote results. This was pretty much our best hope for seeing Shrek on a flag.
There’s no “u” in employee. You’re fired.
To take revenge, I’LL EAT CHINESE.
dude *scoffs like 7 times in a row* of course i’m not a virgin… i have lots of *starts readin hand, ink is hella smudged* secular intercom
Murderer 1: well this is awkward
Murderer 2: omg Dave haha what are the chances!
Murderer 1: how’s Carol?
Murderer 2: you know, same old same ol-
Me: EXCUSE ME
1. Rent storage unit
2. Procure 3 bodies at morgue
3. Place bodies in storage unit
4. Stop making payments
5. Wait. Best Storage Wars Ever