I ordered my latte wrong at that new gypsy coffee place and now my shadow is a horse shadow
This LSD may be taking a turn, but I think this pony rabbit is a piece of shit insurance salesman.
You Might Also Like
DOG 911: what’s your emer-
DOG: MY HUMAN SAID “WALK” WHILE TALKING
DOG 911: so?
DOG: WE NEVER WENT FOR A WALK
DOG 911: OMG
If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses
Feeling a little sad…
…saw a FB post about someone that has “the best girlfriend ever” and realized that I have to settle for 2nd best.
I forgot to bring my bags to the grocery store, people looked at me like I drove there on an aerosol can, then slit a baby seal’s throat.
Super Mario Brothers left me with highly unrealistic expectations of how exciting a career in plumbing would be.
A cheetah stalking its prey would be jealous of the way I pounce on the Skip Ad button on YT once the 5 seconds are up.
If you can’t say something nice, say something mortifying and kinky.
The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you’d almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.
You say lobotomy like it’s a bad thing.