me: *needing to come back down every time i go up*
Sir Isaac Newton: holy shit
This Obama guy is the worst rapper ever.
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Bookshop in Fowey, Cornwall.
At Dunkin Donuts-
8: Can I get choc. milk?
Me: We have that at home.
8: We have coffee at home too…
Me: WHO TAUGHT YOU LOGICAL THINKING?!
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.
Someone please help me with my pope resume, so far all I have is “I look fantastic in large hats.”
Marriage: an institution where having to slightly adjust your mirrors every time you get in your car puts you in a homicidal rage.
For anyone who says parents can’t have Friday night fun, I’m at Target right now buying toilet paper.
So, yeah, you’re right.
I respect women so much I don’t even talk to them
I was in a flash mob once. We’d mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe.
That tweet was so bad I felt sorry for the alphabet.