@mattZillaaaa

This old lady in the grocery store was just giving me the weirdest looks and the worst piggy back ride of my life

You Might Also Like

@GroovyTasia

Me: I made you a CD.

Coworker: This says songs you hate for the people you hate.

@shopkins776

Guys be throwin bobcats across their lawn and I’m over here trying to get my Capri Sun open

@jazmasta

*whispers to businessman sleeping next to me on bus*
Sleep tight precious angel

@batkaren

What if life on Earth is just a video game for gods, and my guy has the crappy controller?

@necrosocks

[Concert]
Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle
[Octagon player struts on stage]
Triangle player: “What the-“

@sickipediabot

Adele has announced that she will be singing the theme for the next James Bond film.

Diet Another Day will be released in 2014.

@HelloCullen

My tax dollars pay for those public school proms. I’m going to them.

@philsturgeon

Elevator is broken. Had to use the other one. #firstworldproblems

@UnFitz

The pillow is my all-time favorite soft, fluffy, comfortable murder weapon.