Is pregnancy genetic cause my mom was pregnant and so was my grandma and I’m worried
This recipe calls for half an onion, which presumes I have a plan for the other half of the onion, which means the recipe is getting the whole onion.
You Might Also Like
*calls Mom of kid* How long does your baby stay in the rain before it’s clean?
Netflix: Are you still watching?
Me: Yes. I like to watch.
Netflix: I’m worried about you.
Me: Just play the next episode.
Netflix: When was the last time you saw the sun?
Me: There was an outdoor scene in episode 7. Play on.
*stares at phone*
why cant i sleep
*puts phone face-up on bed, the screen brigtness bathes my room in a light mor powerfubl than the sun*
Who called it a birth certificate instead of a born identity?
[speaking at an AA meeting]
Me: You’ll find the transition from hard liquor to hard drugs expensive, but very rewarding
ME: Watch this *ties cherry stem with tongue*
1-UP WALLY: *places Rubik’s cube in mouth and pulls it out solved*
The Little Mermaid is a bullshit title. She was a regular sized mermaid.
My wife’s yoga class is really relaxing…
‘Cuz she’s usually gone for at least two hours.