@iLikeCatShirts
[Chevy commercial]
“we blindfolded people and put them in our new Chevy. Here’s what they had to say”
Man: I couldn’t see anything. I was blindfolded
Woman: I feared for my life the entire time
@HomeProbably
This strange woman won’t stop talking to me so I’m going to stare at her eyebrows until she gets paranoid and leaves me alone.
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@iLikeCatShirts
@sofarrsogud
Panic buying, kids off school, businesses shutting down, stuck in the house with your family for days on end…
It’s basically shitty Christmas.
@nappydolemite
This website is free. It only costs you your mental health and you weren’t doing anything with that anyway.
@impaulmccoy
It’s now socially acceptable to play Cards Against Humanity with your 8 year old.
@nyquills
Me: you know in that remake of mad max where the blind dude is playing guitar on the spiky death metal car with flames shooting out of it and people are swinging around throwing spears?
Wedding Planner: what
@moose_chocolate
“7 minutes in heaven” but just me locked in the closet with this burrito.
@mattsurely
If anyone out there is named Aesop dear god please open a table store I have just the name for you.
@Cpin42
SERGEANT: we need you to take out the sniper
ME: [stops licking ice cream cone] now?
@iAmGolfy
Instead of “Who’s your daddy?” I accidentally said “How’s your daddy?” and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father’s cholesterol