Me: Treat yo self
My Bank Account: DO NOT TREAT YO SELF
This Uber driver is the worst. I can’t roll down the windows, he keeps asking questions, the doors won’t open, and now his siren is blaring.
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Found my first gray pubic hair. The people in line with me at the market were not nearly as impressed as I was.
Me: I’m being chased
911: in your car?
Me: no in theirs
Me: how do I turn the sirens on?
#punsr PREDOMINANT: how to describe a young lady. . . before she gets married
lol at people who think they’re a hypochondriac for using WebMD. Hit me up when you’re paying urgent care doctors hundreds of dollars a month to say stuff like “if your throat was closing up, your throat would be closing up”
When I have more than $20 in my account at the end of the month I have to wonder what bill I forgot to pay.
Not to brag, but it’s not even Halloween and I’ve already started my Christmas weight-gaining.
For main female characters, prom is inevitable. Even if you try to skip it, a perfectly-fitting dress will appear in your life.
Lock the doors, or run far away. No matter where you go, prom will find you.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.
After 7 years of training in the medical fields & hard work,a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion.He slept with a client&can now no longer work in the profession.What a waste.A genuinely nice guy&an absolutely brilliant mortician.