This Venn guy was sure bad at drawing circles next to each other

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Her: I just feel so alone

Him: Jesus loves you

Jesus: [awkwardly] Duuude shut up


“Sir how did you survive the snowmageddon?”
“I stayed in”



SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!!

ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*


Me: I think I’m suffering from auditory hallucinations.

Narrator: There was no narrator.


1978 was all about running home when the street lights came on and dressing in the closet so my Shaun Cassidy posters didn’t see me naked…


Wife *returns home* anyone called?
Me: yeah, 5 called the baby an idiot.


So quick to claim someone on your taxes yet so slow to make them a snack.


It’s not an argument. I’m right, and you’re just saying things.