This video (reduced to a 17 second gif) created by British psychological professor Richard Wiseman demonstrates the power of perspective in creating illusions. It’s titled, “Assumptions”
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My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.
her: u excited for the next Star Wars?
me: [sweating] did we win the last one
“How do you feel about this combination of paint?”
“Well, mixed emulsions really”
anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after
6: Why don’t you juice oranges for me anymore?
Me: You broke my juicer.
6: When I juiced that play dough?
M: yep
I lost my voice.
If whoever finds it could resume screaming at my ex-husband, that would be much appreciated.
Me (27 f) and my bf (12 ft tall Home Depot skeleton) are trying for a child to no success. Any tips helpful!!!
The deep ocean is so mysterious. Sharks and octopuses could be down there having dance battles and we’d never know. We’d never know.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they’ll erase what they did during the week.
I’m a low maintenance girlfriend. Just bring me a bouquet of cats.
I walked into a gas station & a woman handed me a free slice of pizza
Either Iowa is the nicest state in America or I’ve just been poisoned
Please lower gas prices, I’m not built for onlyfans
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him.
He’s doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly …
On tonight’s episode of Catfish, Cathy finds out she’s been in an online relationship with a pineapple.
I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather’s pubic hair than “pull an all-nighter” with you.
Want to change your name without any legal hassles? Just come up with a new pronunciation, the government isn’t even keeping track of that. Congratulations Brenda, you’re Breenday now and no one can stop you
Women’s time is different. My brother and I are still waiting for my mom to come out of the grocery store when she said it would be 30 minutes. That was 1986
DATE: So it says on your profile that you’re a contractor.
ME: I’m.
HER: Check please!
If a cougar left her teeth next to my bed in a glass of water was that a tip? Do I have to change the water? Do I feed them like goldfish?
It makes me a little sad that shaking a vending machine might be the closest I ever come to fighting a robot.
When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, “Well, that’s a sin, but at least it’s original.”
Ah yes, it’s that time of year where TurboTax threatens me to use their services, else they’ll bring me to financial ruin
in addition to Lady Doritos, Doritos plans to make Alpha Male Doritos, which will be just shards of broken glass
If you’re bringing a kid to my house, it better be a baby goat.
“I like your tree’s earring.”
“That’s a tire swing.”
Wife: People are coming over tomorrow
Me: We should clean today
Wife: And keep the house clean for 24 hours?
Me: We should clean tomorrow
me *choking on a piece of popcorn*
cat: Finally
SHE SAID YES!! 😍😍😍💍💍💍 i asked my mom if she was disappointed in me!!
:# <— emoticon for “I’m eating a brillo pad”
I always keep my phone on me in case there’s an emergency or I have to wait for anything for more than 2 seconds.