What idiot decided to call it a narcotics-sniffing dog instead of a drug lab?
Thought I was having a good hair day. Mother Nature likes to keep my ego in check though.
She’s really good at that.
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Me : Well, despite the difficulties, we’ve made the best of a bad situation
Life: Yeah, I’m going to need those lemons back
the children’s version of “The Catcher In The Rye” is called “My Little Phony”
“Al-Qaeda: ‘ISIS Goes Too Far’.” Ah the Middle East, where al-Qaeda is the voice of moderation.
Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years.
VOLUNTEER: we need your life history to make sure this animal is safe
[leaving hospital with baby]
DOCTOR: don’t let him die
Bully: “Hey, four eyes!”
Me: “Don’t you mean… fork eyes?”
[Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]
Q: Where is the safest place to be during an earthquake?
A: a hot air balloon
#JonsSafetyTips #Safety #safetyTip #EarthquakeSafetyFacts
Getting asked ‘you want a fork’ by a hot Chinese waitress is misleading as fork to my american ears