Thrilled I bought a 55″ screen so I can listen to it while I stare at a 4″ screen.

You Might Also Like



Hi, I’m your server.

“Our son got a degree!”

Wow! I have a Master’s. Wanna start w/ some chips & salsa?


Do you think Lil’ Wayne went to the tattoo parlor and said “Make my face look like an 8th grade girls trapper keeper”?




The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.


“Hey bro shotgun this beer”
No I don’t drink
“You wanna be cool don’t you?”
I don’t drink
“C’mon NERD!”
Grandma PLEASE stop


“Would you just look at all this bullshit?!” – enthusiastic fertilizer suppliers


Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.


Kid: What’s this?
Me: A napkin holder
K: What’s a napkin?
M: You wipe your hands on it when they’re dirty
K: You mean like the couch?
M: …


People who ask themselves what Jesus would do seem to forget just how badly things worked out for him.