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@seamusmckracken: *Throws caution to the wind*
*gets covered in caution*
@WheelTod: Yesterday I watched Rogue One, featuring a cameo from Carrie Fisher.
One hour later she was dead.
So today I'll be watching Home Alone 2.
@juliussharpe: The Super Bowl is a great opportunity to let 200 million people know your ad agency sucks.
@KyleMcDowell86: [in car]
Wife: Dont tell ur arm story
Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe
AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF
@thefurlinator: if you're havin girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and they're all bottles of beer on the wall