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@Reverend_Scott: [throws milk at cows]
go be with your family
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said "vase" wrong so I corrected her and now we know that it can just barely fit over my head.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Bill Withers: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
Twitter: *There is no
@CatherineLMK: I was just outsmarted by a revolving door but sure, I'll be your baby's godmother.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: "I need big girl clothes."
Him: "You haven't gained that much."
Me: "I meant adult clothes for work."
Him: "Does the couch pull out?"
Cashier: "Going camping?"