Gun control sounds like a dangerous but exciting way to change the channel
Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Thundercats only happen when there’s no spaying
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If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend’s band’s show.
Co-worker: You drink a lot of coffee!!!!
Me: It’s for your own safety.
*shows buyers around my home*
This is where I do all my crying but you can cry anywhere really
She truly is the world’s greatest athlete
my wife and I do this Batman role play where I disappear mid conversation like with Commissioner Gordon
A vegan walks into a bar and doesn’t say anything because the person who has never seen star wars is going on about never seeing star wars.
*boyfriend calls girlfriend*
Bf: “Hey Babe, I love you!”
Gf: “we’re breaking up”
Bf: “no we’re not, I can hear you just fine.”
Can’t quit smoking? Wear mittens all the time.
SO MUCH BLOOD!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
-It’s raining men.