Realized I never said “unquote” after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I’ve said since is Shakespeare
[tightening roller skates]
“stop worrying about me mom, I’m in a very dangerous gang, but we are really fast”
You Might Also Like
Just realized the Master Card logo is a Venn diagram.
Bugs Bunny is mostly ears, which makes him a great listener and an ideal boyfriend.
As I find myself in yet another room without remembering why, it’s apparent my wisdom teeth are doing nothing for me.
Me: Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your house!
Olive Garden server: Please stop! I’ll bring more cheese to grate!
Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Seriously. Very seriously.
anti-tattoo people saying “my body’s a temple” like they wouldn’t worship at a temple that had an enormous mural of a tiger fighting a cobra
Who hired those 10 Americans to go to Brazil and pretend like they like soccer?
we tend to look past the fact the happy birthday song was probably written by someone who forgot a gift & came up with that song on the spot