-Come on, it’s time to go
-We are going to be late
-I hate school
-But Mum, you have to take me!
time traveller: what’s wrong
me: i just failed college
time traveller: 2nd or 3rd time
me: firs- wait what
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SAURON: I shall create three rings for the elves, seven for the dwarf lords and nine for mortal men
HOBBITS: wow ok none for us cool
SAURON: and thus I shall have dominion over all the civilised races of middle earth
If you play any Radiohead song backwards it gives you the directions to a hip little sushi place in New York.
the iPhone 8 won’t even come with headphones you’ll have to imagine you’re listening to music
I’ve been eating sunflower seeds and Tweeting for 9 hours. Now I know what my canary feels like.
Find a group doing river baptisms. Release LSD into the water upstream. Bring friends in devil costumes. Cavort and frolic on the riverbank.
MY ANCESTOR: [running full speed through a field to avoid a lion]
ME: [in an air conditioned gym realizing i forgot my earbuds] no way i can run like this
“Im sorry, I’m just really uncomfortable around children,” she said.
“I understand that,” replied the obstetrician, “but I still need you to push.”
“So, I heard you work at the circus.”
[shallows bread stick whole] Nope.
“You sure about that?”
[chewing on glass] Yup
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?