Anyone: You go girl!
Me: Omg, ok. Yes. Finally. *walks away*
Time zones are amazing! Here in New Zealand it’s tomorrow, in America it’s yesterday and in North Korea it’s 1980.
You Might Also Like
“Hey can I do it?”
Anaesthetist: sure, knock yourself out
“My body wasn’t designed for this.”
– me, getting out of bed
Dentist: Any plans for the weekend?
Dentist: I’m not doing anything either.
me (googling): sexy green m&m
fbi agent monitoring me: oh god not this again
Wishing everyone peace, love, and happiness in the new year. And if you’ve ever done me wrong, a touch of chlamydia.
Who called them riverboat casinos and not dealerships?
I was really getting my act together–eating right, exercising regularly, looking hot, feeling strong, and doing good work. Then I woke up.
Instructor: “Weapons are oft named for their purpose.”
Young Woman: *nervously eyes the cutlass*
[in the club]
Me: did it hurt?
Cute Girl: excuse me?
Me: when I kicked you. out on the dance floor. did it hurt?
Cute Girl: yes it did.
Me: once again I am so sorry.