@themorris23: To all the "cougars" out there, shame on you for not calling yourselves "Thundercats" shame. on. you.
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@fro_vo: WIFE: honey? ME: yes dear WIFE: did something hit the car ME: yes deer WIFE: do you know what it was ME: yes deer WIFE: was it an animal ME: yes deer WIFE: was it a rabbit ME: no deer
@leahlovescheez: My gynecologist recognized me at the grocery store, so I guess I need to start wearing longer skirts.
@shutupmikeginn: The Willy Wonka grandparents were connected under the covers, like a rat king.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: PC: You quit improperly. ME: You froze. PC: Next time quit properly. ME: I didn’t quit. PC: You lost your data. ME: YOU lost my data. PC: Would you like to send a report to Microsoft? ME: That you fucked up? PC: That’s not how it’ll read. ME *reboots PC: YOU SHUT DOWN IMPROPERLY.