to be Frank, i would have to change my name.

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If a tarantula lived in a flower pot it would be a hairy potter


Me: I signed my son up for an appointment with a child psyhcologist

Doctor: That’s me

Me: but you’re an adult

Doctor: and a child psychologist

Me: how


Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. 😆


I’m sorry I said “sorry about your eyebrows” when you showed me your wedding photos


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Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car.


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