@meatyocre

to be Frank, i would have to change my name.

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@caseytduncan

The worst part about getting kidnapped would be when the news told everyone your real height and weight.

@mstern68

If a tarantula lived in a flower pot it would be a hairy potter

@LlamaInaTux

Me: I signed my son up for an appointment with a child psyhcologist

Doctor: That’s me

Me: but you’re an adult

Doctor: and a child psychologist

Me: how

@Birdhumms

Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. 😆

@LolaLuvsLollies

I’m sorry I said “sorry about your eyebrows” when you showed me your wedding photos

@Rica_Bee

I can never hear what my kids are up to while I’m in the shower so I just yell “HEY cut it out!” every 60 seconds and hope that keeps them in line

@adult_keverage

Wife: Why are you so out of breath? You drove here.

Me: Yeah but I was listening to Slayer in the car.

@BindzBrain

The last 3 minutes of any podcast could all be confessions to murder and we’d never know