I found a comb on the street today, so long story short, I’ll be trying lots and lots of new hairstyles tonight.
to discover what’s going on with justin bieber we caught up with his manager scooter braun, who is named after two different types of razors
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*takes his temperature*
Dried up sea monkeys taste nothing like chicken. Related: Never ever put your kids seamonkey packets near your cup o’noodles packets. Ever.
Unknown person parked their car in my driveway, now it’s my car.
That’s how that works, right?
One time my 4yr old got so mad at my wife he yelled, “YOU’RE RABBIT FROM WINNIE THE POOH!”
Me: I don’t have a jealous bone, in my body.
Fibula: Silently plots revenge.
Don’t tell me you’re coming to my party on facebook then go for something better last minute ugh have fun at “the wake” or whatever
BOSS: can i ask u a question
ME: you just did
ME: because that was a question
ME: when you said “can i ask u a question.” that was a question.
BOSS: why are u in the fish tank
When I have to go back to work again, I’ll have to leave messages ranting about my job on my answering machine at least 6 times a day because the cats have grown accustomed to it