To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds…

Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.

You Might Also Like


So, we tip the pizza delivery guy, but not ambulance drivers.


My daughter found a new boyfriend.
I’m just glad the police haven’t found the old one.


Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it’s best to just kill yourself.


i’m bored i think I’ll ask my husband if he’d stay single if i died suddenly and which one of my friends he thinks is hot


[Desert island]
Jane: What?
M: It’s a boat!

Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats


Me: I’m in such a happy mood right now!

Female reproductive system: Hold my beer


If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.