If Zombies ever switch to eating souls, I’ll have the last laugh on everyone whoever made fun of me for being a Ginger
To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds…
Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.
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Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning.
Facebook: Be the first person to like this.
COWORKER: I’m going to my friend’s lake house this weekend for a party.
ME: *lying* I also have friends.
Look what me discover! This game changer!
*grabs it* “This hot! Burn fingers. What you call it?”
*takes back mixtape* FIRE!
my cat smells like cigarettes again & i’m sick of his excuses
Just once, I’d ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I’m driving, especially considering I’ve had 12 beers.
As a young girl she played the game Operation and dreamed about the day she could illegally harvest vital organs in real life.
cop: way to go, mystery inc., you’ve caught yet another monster
shaggy: no problem
cop: lets celebrate by eating those brownies we saw in the mystery machine
shaggy: haha lets not do that
My baby reminds me of Freddy Kruger: he’s got long, sharp fingernails, is most terrifying at night, and forces you to survive on no sleep.
My favorite part of The Nun Is when the priest goes “You’re gonna need a bigger nun.”