So, we tip the pizza delivery guy, but not ambulance drivers.
To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds…
Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.
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Alcohol is best served.
My daughter found a new boyfriend.
I’m just glad the police haven’t found the old one.
me: what if music w
Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it’s best to just kill yourself.
i’m bored i think I’ll ask my husband if he’d stay single if i died suddenly and which one of my friends he thinks is hot
M: It’s a boat!
Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats
Me: I’m in such a happy mood right now!
Female reproductive system: Hold my beer
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.