@JohnLyonTweets: To pay a bill, press 1. To awaken ravenous tentacled horrors that slumber in the void between worlds, press 2. To hear your balance press 3.
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@007Rex_Inc: There sure are a lot of hot Canadian chicks on Twitter....if I knew Canadian, I would totally hit on them.
@SteveSuckington: [2 guys at open mic night] What are we gonna name our band? [from crowd] look at the one guys hair! LMFAO *they look at each other*
@meganamram: When singers at concerts hold out the mic for the audience to sing, it's like what am i, your maid