@chuuew

To save a bit of money on e-cigarettes I’ve started to roll my own batteries.

You Might Also Like

@EndhooS

[morgue]
mum: [crying over my bullet ridden body] how did this happen
cop: the robber yelled “everyone be cool” so he tried to do a kickflip

@HomeProbably

There are few things more awkward on a blind date than looking up from your phone to realise she’s left.

She obviously wasn’t blind at all.

@graceupongracie

My husband: JUST TRUST ME
Me: Uhh you wanted to name both of our kids Atomic

@teenpuke

*cute person sends me a selfie* *tries 897285623895 times to take a cute selfie to send back to them*

@AbbyHasIssues

I like to do laundry in stages. For example, right now I’m in denial that I should be doing laundry.

@ThugRaccoons

Me: Look buddy, I’m not here to play games

Arcade Manager: And that’s exactly why I’ve asked you to leave

@Cheeseboy22

My wife bought 24 Hostess cupcakes for my son to take to school tomorrow for his birthday treat. I didn’t know that’s what they were for. I hope 8 kids are absent tomorrow.

@Social_Mime

An older couple saw me open my wife’s car door for her and came over to compliment me.
Moral of the story: old people are nosy.

@ZSmooth2

My counselor told me that conquering my fears would end my depression, so here I am, depressed, but at the top of a mountain