i hear. a borking. in the distance. this means. i too. must bork. so that everyone knows. i heard. the initial borking. it’s common courtesy
To the guy who just followed me with “Conservative, God-loving, pro-life” in his bio… are you sure you want to do this?
You Might Also Like
I wish my car could put its hands in its pockets and whistle when I drive by a cop.
My dealer said he’ll be here in 20 minutes with the best popcorn ever. We’re gonna watch a movie!
I’m just saying honey, if I sound like a cat throwing up hair balls the next day…it may be time to trim things up a bit.
As my dog lovingly stares at me as I’m buzzed out on cold meds, I wonder if he can drive a stick shift and go get me some Doritos.
It’s important to vary your diet. Like, yesterday I had popcorn & a margarita for dinner so tonight I’m having popcorn & wine for dinner.
If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it’s one of those circus bears, you never know.
Hugs not drugs. Except, yes drugs and why are you touching me?
“Describe yourself in 5 words.”
me: Salacious. Professionally sensual. HR compliant.
ME: You wouldn’t believe these sparklers I got!
SPOUSE: That’s dynamite!
ME: *waiving around the lit fuse* I know! It’s really cool!
SPOUSE: *already running*