@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
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@TuSoonShakur: *ties a little bow around insect’s head, presents lovely gift to Canadian entomologist* Pretty fly for a white guy.
@Barknado69: Tin Man: I want a heart Cowardly Lion: I want courage Scarecrow: and a brain Me: lemme get uhhhhhh
@OfficeofSteve: My washing machine is broken and the laundry is piled so much now, I've started to wear old Halloween costumes
@panmidwest: THERAPIST: what's wrong? WIFE: he always narrates real life- ME: she complained WIFE: see! ME: she exclaimed WIFE: ME: she was speechless