
People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.
I can’t believe “still uses Winamp” is a pre-existing condition now. This feels personal.
“So you think you can dance.” should be the title of a Lifetime movie about strippers.
life is like a box of chocolates: it kills dogs
Me: alright early to bed
Brain: nice
Me: need a good night sleep
Brain: rest is important
Me: don’t go saying shit to keep me awake all night
Brain: I won’t
Me: …
Brain: …
Me: …
Brain: …
Me: you still awake?
Brain: my guy if you’re awake I’m awake we been thru this
“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord & Savior?”
“No.”
“Why not, sir?”
“Because, it would make my rabbi sad.”
*point taken
*point rescued by Liam Neeson
Kik you? Like what? In the face?
Don’t be fooled by looks, butterflies taste just like moths.
Rescued a Roomba from eBay and gave it a forever home.