People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
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I can’t believe “still uses Winamp” is a pre-existing condition now. This feels personal.
“So you think you can dance.” should be the title of a Lifetime movie about strippers.
life is like a box of chocolates: it kills dogs
Me: alright early to bed
Me: need a good night sleep
Brain: rest is important
Me: don’t go saying shit to keep me awake all night
Brain: I won’t
Me: you still awake?
Brain: my guy if you’re awake I’m awake we been thru this
“Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord & Savior?”
“Why not, sir?”
“Because, it would make my rabbi sad.”
*point rescued by Liam Neeson
Kik you? Like what? In the face?
Don’t be fooled by looks, butterflies taste just like moths.
Rescued a Roomba from eBay and gave it a forever home.