Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
You Might Also Like
Toast should never pick a fight with me because I eat toast for breakfast.
Under a bridge, harassing goats. That’s how I troll.
If you have a horse and you didn’t name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can’t be friends.
waiter: and for you sir?
me: just a water [remembering my date is religious] but make it holy
I think Yahoo! news is written by someone who’s had significant head trauma.
“My phone’s about to die.” -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call.
FRIEND: Let’s play monsters! I’ll be a werewolf, and you lock me in the closet because it’s a full moon. Don’t let me out!
ME: Hahaha, cool!
ME: OH SHIT BILLY
I’m just a girl sitting here wondering which outfit I own goes best with bad decisions…
*octopus goes in for a palm reading*
Psychic: “CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS”