To those out there who have accused me of selling out, of abandoning my beliefs and values to climb the social ladder: uh… yeah. yes.

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$2000 date? We better be sitting at the table with Jay-Z and Obama at the same time while eating dinosaurs & sippin’ on virgin Indian tears.


Day 15 of unemployment, still no job listings for dog petters


Hate it when you’re getting rad footage of an accident scene to put on Facebook & some loser says “Hey, aren’t you the paramedic we called?”


If I got a boyfriend I wouldn’t know what to do…

What do they eat? How often do they need to be walked? Can they be house trained?


I’m no scientist, but harnessing the power of teen girls talking would probably solve all the world’s energy woes.


This guy next to me thinks I’m flirting, but really I’m just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas


PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher
“can i use the bathroom?”
“i don’t know, CAN you?”
*takes deep breath*
*pisses all over teachers desk*


ROSE: I’ll never let go Jack

JACK: You have room

ROSE: I’ll never let go

JACK: You’re in a sailboat

ROSE: Goodbye Jack

JACK: You have a cooler of beer on deck


JACK: The boat has a living room



ROSE: Dude can’t you just take a hint


You’d think that the guy in charge of putting pepperoni on frozen pizzas would’ve been up for a performance review by now.


In school it be like 2+2=4. Homework: 2×8+3=19. Then the test: Juan has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the suns mass. Wtf