I think I have a sleeping disorder.
It’s called children
To whoever is going out with my ex, please step up your game because He is still texting me.
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It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Dad: “So what are you going to do after you graduate?”
Me: “well, mom said we’ll probably go out somewhere to eat”
*Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*
Sorry girl, you know you were dating a bad boy *heads out to fight boss without saving or buying potions*
He wants my carcasses apparently.
I think autocorrect won that round.
Global warming is real the number of hot singles in my area has been increasing since 2007 that cannot be a coincidence
It really creeps me out the way my neighbor stares at me when I’m looking through her window.
Sorry I threw rice at the coffin. I don’t get invited to much.
[Me getting cut off in traffic]
GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING!
[Notices USMC sticker]
AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!