@Lisacossey1

Toaster: Things are getting hot…. real hot, I’m getting close.

Me:

Toaster: Ahhhhhh!!!! I popped…

Me: I don’t think I really want that waffle anymore.

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@Laser_Cat

A fun prank to pull on a neighbor is to introduce a species of invasive grass into his lawn.

@UnFitz

Groundhog is like regular hog except it’s easier to make burgers out of it.

@Maxine12333

Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won’t show in your pictures.

@Social_Mime

If somebody my age is out past 11 PM they just got off the second shift at work.

@AndrewNadeau0

{Horses on a road trip passing my house}
HORSE 1: *Points at me in my yard* Human.

@SgunSuperman

It’s OK people with a poor grasp of the English language, I’m a sex attic too.

@daemonic3

My friend said his dog retrieved a ball he threw over a mile away. I don’t know, that seems pretty far fetched.

@LackOfShame

While sitting on the beach, 16 told me he is going to go under the pier with his girlfriend and catch crabs.

They grow up so fast.