“Make it look like I live in a Cheesecake Factory.” – NBA players to their interior designers
Today at crossfit, i changed a tire on an old tractor. I think the trainer has just been charging me to do shitty chores at his dad’s house.
You Might Also Like
I thought I was losing weight but apparently I just forgot to tie my sweatpants.
Obama: Wave at the people, Joe.
Biden: IMMA POINT AT’EM
Obama: Please just wave.
To the Canada goose standing on one leg I watched for six minutes to make sure you had two legs: you sure took your sweet time about it
Today my son put on a new roll of toilet paper for the very first time. He is 19.
8 asked if he could draw my face and was super proud of the result.
Unrelated, he now lives with a neighbour.
“sir can you describe the stingray that attacked you?”
yes it was like a weird pancake
“MY DUST COLLECTION!”
I love my kids but sometimes I wish the school bus would pick them up at 4:30 p.m. on Sunday.
nothing says 2019 like when you group text your family from the bathroom to bring you toilet paper