Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.

You Might Also Like


Never had my own stalker before. Kinda exciting, kinda scary. 2½ stars – might recommend.*

*mostly dependent on them not killing me horribly before I can


-What should we name this creature w/ big feet?
-And this w/ saber teeth?
-And this beaverduck?
-wtf dude


“I wish I had more time to read” he said as Netflix automatically played the next episode.


I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that’s over with.


“Farm to fork”, but it’s just me taking you to a corn maze to bang.


me: i have an imaginary gf

therapist: u can do better than that

me: i know, it’s just–

therapist: i was talking to her


1st date: I love the spiderman movies

Me: So do I

[thinking of something to say to impress her]

Me: I used to be a spider


If taking off your pants doesn’t solve your problems, get different problems.


*driving through the beautiful country side*

There really are endless options when it comes to dumping a corpse.