Hey is it just me or is there another two-letter pronoun used to refer to oneself as the object of a verb or preposition?
Today, I saw that my ironing board cover was wrinkled. I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because irony has the word iron in it.
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Whenever you’re feeling down and out, just remember that there’s people walking around with Twilight tattoos.
Me: “I injured myself at the gym”
Buddy: “Too much weight?”
Me: “I guess. I was just trying to lift my Segway onto the treadmill”
“I think this chlorine is healing my anal fissure.” – Things not to say in a swimming pool. Apparently.
Me: Will you help me find my Pikachu onesie?
Her: Let’s split up.
Me: Good thinking. We can cover more ground that way.
My answer to most questions is an intelligible grunt, a flustered pointing motion, & a 3 hour nap.
[on phone with friend]
Friend: Did you just throw up?
Me: No, that’s the sound I make when going from standing to sitting now.
And the Lord said, ‘Let there be idiots.’
“Daddy, where do babies come from?”
The stork flies them in.
“Why’s it take 9 months?”
Wind resistance. Go to sleep.
[being haunted by the spirit of the man who invented the gif]
*extremely spooky voice* oooo I’m a jhost! Yes, it’s pronounced “jhost”