Today, I’ve been cleaning. And by cleaning I mean drinking wine and spraying everything with Febreze.

You Might Also Like


My husband’s really not keen on this whole ‘date night’ thing that married people are supposed to do……

Perhaps next time I should go out with him?


My favorite response to someone asking how something works… “Magic” even when I do know how it works. Because Lazy


My grandfather wanted to stay fit when he turned 60 so he decided to start running a mile a day. He’s 65 now and we don’t know where he is.


My toddler puts his pants on just like everyone else.

One arm at a time.


God: You finish all 11 commandments?
Moses: About the 11th one…
God: What?
Moses: Check yourself before you wreck yourself?
God: Fine, 10.


I got a dog and named it “Twenty Miles”. This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.


My daughter is too old for Disney channel movies so I obviously need another kid.


Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story.


COLLEGE STUDENT: Mom wants me to be a doctor, but I really just want to be one of those people who takes your money at the bank.

DAD: Teller

COLLEGE STUDENT: I do but she doesn’t listen