@WheelTod: Today my 6yo said it was good it's snowing, as that means the earth isn't getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News.
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@SteveSuckington: [first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape
@therealeatwood: ME: I have chronic pain. It flares up whenever someone challenges my beliefs FRIEND: That’s not really how chronic pain works ME: ow owwww
@Ygrene: [interview to be an undercover agent] Chief: Janine, can you send in the next applicant Janine: yes sir; next! [the large potted plant in the corner of the room stands up] Chief: Janine, can you send home the remaining applicants