“If we don’t know a word for something, why can’t we just make one up?” he remarked confusatorily.
Today my carelessness made someone late for work. He could lose his job, his home. Sir, if you’re reading this, I can’t replace the extra .74 seconds you sat at that green light, but your honk–still echoing in my soul–serves as a harsh reminder that my actions have consequences
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*catches son swearing through sign language*
“We don’t use that language in this house”
*hands him hand sanitizer*
“You know what to do”
Just logged into Facebook instead of Twitter and I now feel like I shouted out the wrong name in bed.
this bacon wrapped sausage is making me feel uncomfortable.
I hate to brag but my family has testified against me in court more than yours has.
[Jr. Biology class, girls in jumpsuits burst in]
OK, who’s ready for fun? We’re The Photosynthesisters & we’re gonna talk 2 U about PLANTS!
“Baby, I’m in the bedroom waiting for you”
Now I got your attention, let me show you a proper way to make the bed.
Someday you’ll wake up with Mark Zuckerberg in your bed because you neglected to uncheck a box.