I just found out it only costs about $100 to change your name!!!
Say hello to Ninja Firequeef!
Today sucked so much it featured a guest verse from Pitbull
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Seems like I can’t even sit on a park bench anymore without someone’s henchman sneaking by to swap briefcases
My eyes physically can’t roll any higher up into my skull to show you how annoying you are.
I’ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
I won every fight in 1st grade.
Not because I was tough, because I was 13.
Damn you, Autocorrect !
Why do you keep changing a word
into something that makes no sense ?
You are the banner of my existence.
I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love’s first kiss.
I told the hubs someone must’ve broke in and stole his phone charger.
He’ll believe that before he’ll agree he misplaced it somewhere.
I laughed way too hard at this 😂
Man down! Send in back up!
*wife comes rushing in the room*
*i dip another chip in the salsa to rescue the broken chip*