@RodLacroix

Today’s homeschooling Google searches:

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@TheHyyyype

serial killer: come take a ride with me to the desert

me: sure!

serial killer: r-really

me: yeah there’s no light pollution and i love astronomy

serial killer: ok but you have to ride in the tr-

me: *hopping in the trunk* to the stars!

@Kauaibride

Doctor told me I need glasses. So I’m having several tonite.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

Him: Will you proofread this essay for me?

Me: Dammit, Todd! I CAN read and don’t need to prove it to you everytime you write something.

@YourMomsucksTho

Being a wife and mom is kind of like being a lawyer, everyone hates you until they need you

@Hect0rMayorga

They offered me money to promote a product in my Twitter account, but my dignity is strong, as Axion “The true grease stain remover”

@WilliamAder

We have a local weatherman who often forecasts “changeable skies.” He makes a lot of money to make that call.

@CVTBaby

I don’t really WANT to make bad choices; but I got here late and all the good choices were already taken.

@moose_chocolate

*man invents wheel*

“How can we possibly improve this?”

*Man invents wheel of cheese*

“Nailed it!”

@AnniemuMary

The past two Fridays after school I have seen the same group of teens walking home with a store cake and I would like to know how I get in on this Friday cake club.