@RodLacroix

Today’s homeschooling Google searches:

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@slyoung5

Irritating friend: I passed your house yesterday.
Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that.

@brennadine

Pavlov’s bell, but it’s me reading an email that I think says winebar when it’s actually webinar.

@thegallowboob

the whole world: we might not recover from the covid era for another 2 to 3 years these are truly dark times

marketing people:

@LindaInDisguise

Bohemian Rhapsody should be an official unit of measure.

“I can shower in 1 Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“Ran a 5K in under 6 Bohemian Rhapsodies.”

@TwatWaffler69

Wife: “they’re disgusting, they carry diseases, they eat garbage!”

Me: are we talking about your parents, raccoons, or the kids?

@JUSTLisandra

Idk guys, life has never thrown me lemons.

Social anxiety, insomnia, mental breakdowns, drugs and eating disorders..

But never lemons.

@karanbirtinna

Me: Dont you hate it when you enter a room and then forget what you came in for? Haha.

Patient on the operating table: Can I have some other surgeon please?

@missthugger

I gotta stop applying for everything on Indeed. I got an interview on Tuesday to be a pastor 😭😭 AND IM MUSLIM

@wolfpupy

at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations

@markleggett

At the ripe old age of 900, in a universe inhabited by thousands of alien races, I bet Yoda had some pretty racist shit to say.