Telemarketer: Good afternoon, Sir.
Me: Do you walk with a limp?
Me: Want to?
Telemarketer: Thank you for your time.
) ) )
) ( ) )
if white people /
invaded half of / __
the world for / |
spices, why do /——
they not use it /
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Complaining “I have too many books on my TBR”
• false cause you can never have too many books
Saying “I have enough books to carry me through the afterlife”
• dramatic goth vibes
• makes the afterlife sound pretty dope
They’re just making up new weather with this ‘thunder snow’ shit. Next we’ll have ‘earthquake rain’ or ‘sunny darkness’ or some shit.
‘What I’m about to say is extremely important!!’
I’ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I’ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can’t reach the remote.
Eating food off the floor, taking pills, trying to chase away ghosts? I grew up to be Pac-Man
Gang tip: If a rival gang tags their symbol on your turf, don’t cover it. Add a drawing of Calvin peeing on it.
Now who’s stupid? They are!
Sprinklers are just little heads looking around for their friends but they can’t find them so they cry
I’m 6’ and I’m built like someone who overestimates by four inches
The great thing about Twitter is that it gives everyone a platform to be heard.
The worst thing about Twitter is that it gives everyone a platform to be heard.