@sophielou

[Toddler scream crying at the top of his lungs in Target]
Me (yelling):
“SAME!”

[Toddler scream crying at the top of his lungs in Target]
Me (yelling):
“SAME!”

- @sophielou

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@CoopSoSarc

Walking out the door, my daughter tells me she can’t wait to see Ariel with the crabs.

Now I’m questioning which section I bought that DVD.

@flamingo_poet

I’m so tired of having to think, “What would a normal person do here?”

@WilliamAder

Every time someone with a clown avi follows me I add another night light.

@dugglebutt

FRIENDS is off Netflix now? Well, this just hasn’t been my day, my week, my month, or even my year!

@TheQuietPsycho

*getting married

Priest: will you love & honor her?
Me: I will
Her: [whispers to priest]
Priest: and leave your phone unlocked?
Me: I’m out

@dahrae_

shout out to the guy at the asian grocery store line who turned around, looked me dead in the eyes, and said “i was there when the world ended,” sending me into immediate fear.

he was talking about final fantasy 14, and i was wearing my ff14 zip up.

@Rlpihl

[Family Feud]
What’s your answer?!
*whispers into microphone*
Please help me, I don’t even know these people

@stefabsky

me as a kidnapper sending my second ransom letter when I haven’t gotten a response yet to my first one: hi all! just following up