@LoveNLunchmeat: Told my husband the best way to get help at Home Depot is to wear yoga pants, but I dunno. It doesn't seem to work as well for him.
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@ThatAdamKid: Walk in the club wearing my transition lenses like "What up who's here gimme about 30 seconds and then we can get this party started ladies"
@noog: Everyone’s all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman’s fighting Superman in 2016.
@sad_tree: Good thing you put a swing in your birds cage he's probably on that thing like "MAN THIS IS WAY BETTER THAN FLYING"
@usermcuserface: Tonight we dine in hell! (Dies in battle) Hi, Take a seat in the booth with the 3 vegans. Your beets and kale will be out soon. Oh shit...