Nonwriters: How do you write a book?
Writers: Well, you write and delete a lot. Then spend three hours researching, and correct it. Next you doubt your grasp on the english language and rewrite it again
Nonwriters: Then you’re done?
Writers: Then you start the next paragraph
Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply ‘with a cutlass’ but I want her to pay for masters…
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Boss pissed me off at work today
Might microwave a tuna sandwich and leave early
“I love Justin Bieber” well I love McDonalds but you dont see me making an account pretending to be a chicken nugget, do you?
Friend: what time do you usually go to bed?
Me: 10:30ish sometimes 4
Mom: What’s going on in there?
Me: Nothing mom, just watching women’s tennis
Him: Will you proofread this essay for me?
Me: Dammit, Todd! I CAN read and don’t need to prove it to you everytime you write something.
[first day of school]
LILY: My mommy named me Lily because she loves lilies.
LUNA: My mommy named me Luna because she loves the moon.
BRANDY and METHANY: We hate this game.
Who even thought of soup? Were they like, you know what this perfectly good meal needs? Water.
Ah yes. My husband and I in our natural habitat.
Lying in bed on our phones whilst blowing pet hair off our screens.
me: i’m sad about this thing
therapist: but it’s not about that thing
me: ok thx here’s $175