Owen Wilson has made around $217,838,000 from his movies. He averages around 3500 words per movie in 47 movies. That’s about $1,324 per word. “Wow” was 102 of those words. Owen Wilson has made roughly $135,072 from saying wow goodnight twitter
Told my teen “I love you” when I dropped her off at school this morning and she replied “Thank you”
So if history has taught me anything, she’s probably leaving me for another mom soon.
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Amazing how a fight can break out at the grocery store over something as simple as knocking over someone’s cart and demanding they fight you
I saw a sign that said “bridge subject to icing” and I thought “that sounds delicious”
Guess how many times pre-wrapped convenience store firewood helped me get laid.
*shotguns bottle of hot sauce*
Is it working yet?
BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN 1961. 1+9+6+1= 17. YOU KNOW WHO USED TO BE 17 YEARS OLD? HITLER.
“This is mine”, he growled passionately into her ear. “Are we clear?”
Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn’t try to eat his nachos again.
Genie: If you say another word, your going to die.
[ after a spat ]
Me: Are you still mad at me?
Her: I guess not.
Me: [ reaching for her ]