@MumInBits

Told the kids me and husband were having adult time and under no circumstances were they to disturb us for the next 5-6 minutes

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@KateQFunny

Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says “Don’t Bother Me,” so I asked him where he got it & how much it cost & whether or not it works.

@DurtMcHurtt

Her: hey handsome, why don’t you give me your number…

Me: …because I still need it.

@TheTobbie

On Facebook, someone posted that they have 90 days of pregnancy left. The 1st commenter said ‘when are you due?’ This is why we are here…

@WhaJoTalkinBout

if this pandemic happened in the 80s my mom would’ve sent us out to play with plastic bags over our heads and oven mitts

@Nazeefah

COVID-19 helping people realise that some meetings can be emails.

@SwirlySkittles

Playing Tubular Bells to end the baptism wasn’t quite the closing my aunt was looking for but in my defense it did clear out the church.

@adult_mom

Start yelling “DON’T FORGET!” when saying goodbye to people so that they panic about what they’re supposed to be remembering

@Papa_Mex

I hate it when the neighbor’s dog gets out because I accidentally pick the lock on their gate, leave it open, and put down a trail of food