A child in the coffee shop cried and cried until she was given a cake pop, and as I walked past, I whispered, “Your technique is flawless.”
Tom Cruise has signed on for Mission Impossible V. His impossible mission is trying not to show up on everyone’s gaydar.
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*Rains pennies from heaven*
*coins decimate the land
‘CHANGE IS IN THE AIR!’
Cereal that makes them go back to sleep.
Is your refrigerator running?
Because I might vote for it.
last time I passed out on a Saturday night was when I sprayed too much bleach cleaner on the tub & forgot to open a window
He-Man wasn’t gay. He was just uninterested in Teela and was very good friends with a man named Fisto.
I saw an image of Jesus in my breakfast burrito. I asked myself, what would Jesus do? And so I ate him. Two hours later… Holy Shit!
Call me ignorant, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.
– “That’s exactly what ignorant means.”
I don’t get it.
I lost 42 pounds!!!
Help me find her before her mother comes back!
her: Say something nice to me.
me: Your friend is like, a ten.