Kinda cool how they based an entire country off of Mexican food.
Tonight, people who are weaker, slower, and dumber than you will deliver bags of treats to your very doorstep. Seize this moment.
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Favorite question to ask a prospective boyfriend for my sister:
Have you ever seen a dead body?
*casually lifts shirt to expose .357*
Ladies & gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. Anyone who bought WiFi please google “Fatal Engine Error:38” & come to Cockpit ASAP. Thanks
A garlic dill pickle is not for the unprepared. First, do you carry a toothbrush in your purse?
Cinderella taught me that everything will work out just fine so long as you have unconscionably small feet.
OMG WHAT’S THAT NOISE?
*son walks in with powered toothbrush*
Liquidity is the only difference between soup, stew and a casserole. There, I said it.
Boss: Where’d you go??
Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen.
Me: So I went to lunch.
*lights a joint*
Woah, fire! Ow! My elbow!
If you cut off my head I’ll continue eating for two more days.