You can buy my cassette series “Yelling : Greatest Hits”
Including classics such as:
– What the Hell?
– What the heck? (Radio edit)
– Oh come on!
And the chart topping hit:
– Yo…hey yo! Over here! No, over here to your left!
Tonight, people who are weaker, slower, and dumber than you will deliver bags of treats to your very doorstep. Seize this moment.
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Soaking the dishes overnight, or as I like to call it, “not doing the dishes.”
I’m working on my core muscles so I can rise out of a coffin dramatically.
I’m already an idiot, I just need a village
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
I’m an okay dancer until I whip out the finger guns, then I’m just majestic.
Welcome to middle age.
Don’t bother looking at the weather forecast; your joints will let you know when it’s going to rain.
Sometimes I wonder if the ghost in my house thinks he’s being haunted by some angry, naked, drunk guy.
I want a pet otter just so I can introduce it as my otter half.
me: i’m looking to sell this gun, can you do $400
pawn shop owner: i can do $250
me: [cocking gun] how about now
pawn shop owner: well now that i see that it works yeah i could do $400