…or as I like to call it… fancy pants!
Tonight we dine in hell!
(Dies in battle)
Hi, Take a seat in the booth with the 3 vegans. Your beets and kale will be out soon.
You Might Also Like
I prefer science to religion, as the former doesn’t seem to grow vengeful and jealous when refused attention.
“My favorite sex fantasy starts with you bringing me wine…”
Mmmm and then?
“You close the door from outside.”
Decades of video games have left me WAY too confident in my ability to break open a wooden crate.
Parents: When you finish the chores will you please look for a job.
Me: [painting the cat’s claws] Still a lot to do unfortunately.
Him: my name is Robert but my friends call me Bob, you can call me whatever you like.
Me: Cool, nice to meet you Nachos.
*buying a new phone* How many mega pickles does the camera have?
Alien: we are here to enslave you
Me: *not looking up from phone* huh?
Alien: I SAID..
Me: *still not looking up* yeah I said I’ll do it
Me: I’m so bored I literally have nothing to do
*10 upcoming assignments due tomorrow*
CNN: The boy who cried Breaking News.