Which essential oil is best for getting people to stop talking to you
Tony Hawk was cursed by a deity to be beloved by all but recognizable to none.
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Interviewer 1: Describe yourself in one word
Interviewer 2:[whispers] Holy shit can she do that??
Drinking before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.
I wonder if Houdini ever locked himself out of the house.
Pharmacist: Don’t take this while driving and make sure you eat-
*crushes pill and snorts off the counter*
If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything – Marilyn Monroe
If you believe that try showing her your race car bed – Me.
The Man-whisperer. My dog at 6am.
Come over for dinner. I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate’s dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN’T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG
Just called the number of a guy I met last night and a pizza place answered. I didn’t even know you could live in pizza places. I’m in love!