1. Put on clown shoes.
2. Sit in toilet stall with feet pulled up.
3. Wait for someone to enter other stall.
4. Slowly lower feet to floor
tony soprano is my role model because he’s always lightly sweating and yet still highly respected by his peers
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“*RING**RING* in the middle
Of night! “Hello?” “Hey man are you home?” “No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King.”
“Yes, I’m here. I really need you to be more specific. I know a lot of Margarets.”
A child in the coffee shop cried and cried until she was given a cake pop, and as I walked past, I whispered, “Your technique is flawless.”
HER: I don’t know what you’d do without me.
HER: Please stop imagining all those things.
Pastor: He is risen!
Me: Jesus who?
Pastor: Jesus Christ
Me: Look, dude, there’s no reason to get angry.
“Found” a nest of ground bees
and got stung multiple times.
But I was able to remove all the stingers.
So yes, my pullout game is strong.
Parent: my child’s reading at a 3rd grade level, what reading level is your son at?
Me: he knows some curse words but not all of them yet
You know who you are.
Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat