@palokin: took a girl to starbucks because i forgot her name
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@LlamaInaTux: [haunted house] Me: I'm terrified Jessica: is it the rattling chairs Erica: is it the bleeding doors Sarah: is it the possessed portraits Kate: is it the shaking coffins Me: I've never spoken to this many girls before
@zachreinert03: Did you guys know on average 3 confused cannibals get punched in the face a year because they say yes to wanting a knuckle sandwich
@theshantilly: 9: I'm writing a book based on a true story. Me: Make me look good. 9: FINE. I'll write something else.
@murrman5: [parent/teacher meeting] "you must've read to him as a baby" *leans forward in little desk* lady, I didn't even know him when I was a baby